Damnit. They've all teamed up against me. The entire organization of Alcoholics Anonymous has banned together to keep me from having a drink. The government is in on it too. They're threatening to cut my funding if I leave sober living. They have me trapped. I have nowhere to go. I'm a prisoner of puritan values. Save me. My family is in on it. They orchestrated the whole thing. They are doing everything they can to turn me towards the so called "light of Christ". I'm cornered. There's no way out. Gotta get tough. It's time for desperate measures. I'm phoning in a distress call to the underground base in Oberlin Ohio. Maybe, just maybe, somebody will hear and throw me a life line.